Viva la Vida

2009-11-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in such a long time it's crazy! I've been really busy with my new school and adjusting so I kinda forgot about you guys...don't worry, I'm back now. I would like to bring up the subject that the Academy Awards are nearing (sort of) and that, in case you haven't noticed, there have been no good movies this year. I almost wouldn't be surprised if New Moon gets nominated for something....but I will be downright horrified Robert Pattinson gets nominated for Best Actor...and wins! The lack of good movies this year brings out a hope in me that some movies that wouldn't normally be given a second glance will now be brought into the spotlight. For instance, Drew Barrymore directed a very interesting movie called Whip It, which I'm sure you've all heard of, if not seen. It's about the sport Roller Derby and how one girl breaks free from her mother's old habits of beauty pageants to pursue this (Ellen Page). It's not your typical inspirational movie; she finds out the guy she likes is cheating on her and dumps him, the team does not win the championships, and although her mother lets her go to the championship game, she doesn't entirely support her daughter's choice. My hope is that this movie may get noticed by the Academy and therefore skyrocket Drew Barrymore's career of either acting or directing (she could go back to acting or continue directing) out of romantic comedies and into more serious stuff. Although she has never been my favorite actress or even close to the top of my list, her newest film gave me hope that she will either continue directing films like this and play a small part in them or she will start a whole new career of more advanced films.

Here's a new poem I wrote. I submitted it to my school's magazine, but I doubt it will get in. Anyway, here it is:

Me and the Sparrows

There are some things in life I cannot explain, he says through his tears
But why does he cry? He sings me lullabies
Which keep away the darkness and the crime, the monsters in the night
What could hurt him? Who would dare?
He is all that I am, and yet I am aware

That roses grow thorns to keep away the pain
A knife to a gun, a form of Novocain
A beautiful pattern, a hopeful lie
A source of protection in a chance to survive
Weaved around another,
Watching out for each other
But when the knife comes, they cannot hide
From the vases where the live out their last strides
Their beauty deceives them, that is where they go wrong
But if not, the cold will get them
And bring them down to the depths
Where they preside peacefully
And sing of the best summer yet

He walks me to the theater where I hide behind the curtain
And wait to perform a perfect sequence
I will smile wide but it is behind that smile I hide
All the grief and sorrow I see in his eyes
What makes him cry?
Am I not enough? Do I not try?
Later, he will sing me a song that keeps the fire alight
I never noticed the hidden meanings in them
But they were there, all along
All in one song

I capture the light to bring to you tonight
My net is long and I give a hard fight
But there is no light now
No one taught me how
So you can turn to the darkness
To get the glory you need
And when you are full of emptiness
You can come and see me
Cause I capture the light,
But not here, it is not right
To give you nothing
When you should have the world
But you are my watch
Letting me know how long I have to go
You are my butterfly
I catch you in my net
And I won't let you die
No I won't let you die
Not without the light
So stay with me tonight

I always stay with him, I always will, doesn't he know that?
Shhh, he tells me, and strokes my cheek
Let us not speak of what will surely make us bleak
I do not reside, and his eyes open wide
He screams out in pain of holding it all inside
And begins to cry as he tells me that I will die
I am emotionless, because I'm his butterfly
Yes I'm his butterfly
The cancer may take me, but it will not take me far from him
I do not need to live, but he cannot die
No he cannot die
Cause then so will his lullaby
So I tell him

It's me and the sparrows
We will fly high and seek the light
To catch it for you tonight
Yes, it's me and the sparrows
But I will use an arrow
To kill the light, to set it right
You won't have to chase it down
it will always be around
Even when I'm not, even when I'm gone
You won't have to remember me
Because you'll have the light
Oh yes, you'll have the light
I am your angel tonight.

Quote of the Post: Life is a verb.

2009-07-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

Here's another poem:

Time

The lake is still, a shimmering glass mirror of time,

It tells no lies, what you see is what you get.

From my little cottage by the lake, I see everything:

Geese migrate, kids playing, time passing.

As I get older, I like to have proof of it too.

I see a little girl, no higher than my knee, toddling to the edge of her dock.

She stares down into the depths of the water, unaware of any danger that might exist.

For her mother’s hand holding hers tightly is a secure anchor, one that will always be there,

Safe and sound, forever.

But time changes everything, so that there is no forever.

It moves as quick as water through your fingers, disappearing as fast as you caught it,

Leaving you only with a distant memory of what it felt like to hold it, if only for an instant.

More water dribbles through and there she is again, around eight or so.

Her hair is a short strawberry mess, the red locks just hitting her shoulders,

Her face is dotted with freckles, her dimple smile full of gaps and crooked teeth.

She runs to the edge of the dock, stands for a moment, watching the currents around her,

Then she dives in, clothes and all, a perfect arc into the mirror.

She emerges, gasping for air, her hair shiny and longer than before.

She swims around, laughing and splashing, not having a care in the world.

I want to stop time and just keep this moment here, forever.

But time doesn’t wait for anyone.

Time is the glittering sequins in jazz costumes, catching the light for a moment of glory,

Then fading away, into a box in the attic, never to be seen again.

The shores of time rise and fall, and years later I see her again.

She bursts onto the dock, giddy and breathless, in a light blue summer dress.

Her strawberry hair is longer now, tumbling down her back,

She is taller, has the face of a young teenager, her smile accompanied by silver braces.

She is a young woman, not just playing with mother’s makeup but wearing it properly.

She turns around and smiles, and I see a boy her age join her.

He whispers something to her, and she nods slowly, slipping the dress over her head.

They dive into the water together, unclothed, for the world to see.

They splash and swim and around, giggling and flirting, learning and growing.

He leans closer to her and they kiss under the moon, their hands entwining in the shadows.

Someday, she will look back on that, when her life is far along,

And feel what she felt like in that moment, excited but nervous, unaware of time.

But time keeps moving, never stopping, even if no one notices.

Fleeting moment after fleeting moment, they add up, one drop at a time.

The lake stays the same as the girl grows older, and I see her time and time again:

When she is dressed in black on the dock, holding her sister’s and father’s hand,

But not her mother’s.

Drops of time stream down her cheeks as the coffin is dropped into the dark water.

The saddest time of all, the tears we cry, but try to dry, as time goes on.

When she is beautiful on purpose, her red hair done up, her makeup overdone,

Wearing a short stylish dress, covered in sequins, too many ruffles, and a corsage,

Her arm linked with a young man’s arm, smiling as the camera flashes again and again,

Capturing her beauty and the lake all in one shot.

But my favorite are times of calm, when the waters settle down for awhile,

When time seems to stay still and catch its breath, stopping to look behind.

When she sits out on the dock, in grungy jeans and an old shirt,

A book open in her lap, Her hair falling over her face as she reads page after page.

She is most beautiful in those moments, when she is not trying to be.

Time could have, in those moments, stirred something up, or just kept running,

But for some reason it stops when it sees her, learning and growing.

Eventually time shakes off its second of weakness and disappears in a blur,

But for an undeterminable amount of time, it notices the ways of nature.

She goes off to college, and years pass.

I watch every day to see if she’s back, but she is off on her own now.

I am an old woman when I see her once more, and this time makes me gasp.

A fully grown and matured woman, twenty-seven, steps out onto the dock,

A sea of white covers her freckly skin, the long ivory fabric making her a goddess.

The veil that covers her face cannot hide her beauty, or her happiness.

A man follows her, his eyes never drifting from hers, not even to take in the lake.

He saw it years ago, and even then only saw her as they swam together in the moonlight.

Her eyes are enough for him.

The rabbi that follows them starts off the service with a speech, but they don’t hear a word,

A whole conversation being spoken in those two pairs of eyes.

At last the vows are exchanged, and the veil is lifted, revealing her,

Revealing the little girl I saw all those years ago.

As they kiss, my eyes fill with tears and I’m overtaken by sadness and joy.

I never knew this girl, I don’t know her name, yet she means the world to me.

And seeing her grow up, well, I didn’t do anything, I just watched

As time worked its magic, making another miracle.

hopefully you didn't fall asleep.

Quote of the post: "People are always asking me what my lyrics mean. Well I say what any decent poet would say if you dared to ask him to analyze his work: if you see it, darling, then it's there." Freddie Mercury

2009-07-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

I got over my writer's block, finally. So here is a new poems. It's really long....

His Eyes

He walks alone, books in hand, staring straight ahead.
He doesn’t notice anyone, even though all eyes go to him.
A guy like him could sit anywhere at lunch, yet he instead….
Opts to eat alone, and that for some reason makes him dim.

I’m dedicated.
I’m thorough.
I’m relentless. I’m strong.
I’m without sorrow.
I have hopes of tomorrow.
And I’m never wrong.

His attention is captivated by his books, always close by.
It is easy to tell how the book is just by his face:
A bored expression, a burst of laughter, a gasp of surprise.
I want to captivate his gaze, be the face his crystal eyes trace.

I’m hopeful.
I’m hesitant.
I’m curious. I’m worried.
I’m without reason.
I have thoughts of treason.
And I won’t be buried.

My careful steps lead me to the table where he sits.
Eyes burn into me as I ask him about A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
He slowly looks up at me and his clear eyes are lit.
They pour into me, a lighted dark tunnel, and I am ripped at the seam.

I’m overwhelmed.
I’m inspired.
I’m floating. I’m uncertain.
I’m without stability.
I have glimpses of tranquility.
And I’m behind the curtain.

We talk every day, and lunch is a shared meal.
I learn the sound of his laugh, the twinkle in his chandelier eyes.
He is like an orange, with a tough skin that has to be peeled.
Underneath, he’s full of sweet and fulfilling juice; an honest soul, nothing to hide.

I’m astounded.
I’m joyful.
I’m exhilarated. I’m content.
I’m without a trail.
I have no limits of where I can sail.
And it’s nothing anyone can prevent.

I skip through the halls everyday, as eyes burn through me.
They whisper, they wonder, and yet I don’t care.
We explore and laugh together, for the whole world to believe and to see.
What’s between us is more, a diamond to their mica, and of the sharp edges they are scared.

We are a pair.
We are a team.
We are chosen. We are endless.
We are without letters.
We have gifts from a better.
And we will take the test.

One day, I race to lunch to give him a hug.
But the seat next to his is taken, a blonde beauty chattering on.
He spills later that she’s just great, and he sits in a dreamy daze even though I tug.
I just stare into his sea-glass eyes, and try to look past the clouds for so long.

I’m shocked.
I’m torn.
I’m fallen. I’m above.
I’m without help.
I have no guide to who I yelp.
And I think I’m in love.

We all sit together now, a team of three instead of a team of two.
She’s all that he sees, a perfect ruby that shines red dots into his sparkling eyes.
I keep searching the past, desperate that it wasn’t a lie, fearful of the truth.
One look at his moonlight eyes, never looking at mine, and I want to die.

I’m the best friend.
I’m the helper.
I’m the companion. I’m the shoulder.
I’m without his attention.
I have a perfect view of his intentions.
And yet I refuse to be bolder.

I see them holding hands, passing notes and laughing together like we did.
I read one of them; the I heart you should have been mine to declare.
I saw their first kiss, his eyes of sunlight hitting water dulling as he closed his lids.
His locker is covered with her, her scent, her smile, and it is too much to bare.

I’m shivering.
I’m shaking.
I’m sobbing. I’m alone.
I’m without him.
I have no way of getting to the brim.
And all I can do is moan.

In science class we have to dissect a mouse, cutting apart it’s soul.
I look at the knife, it’s shininess reminds me of him, of his glassy eyes.
The knife is suddenly stained with blood, my blood, and he cries out as I am at last bold.
He finally sees me, and only me, my wishes fulfilled as I heave on last sigh.

I’m dead.
I’m gone.
I’m a whisper, to be repeated on and on.
I’m not without love, which I found.
He gave it to me, enough to keep me safe and sound.
And now he lives in the past, searching for answers.

Yes, he finally sees me, and I have his attention, as I am the one held.

let me know what you think.

Quote of the Post: "Stretching is hand out to catch the stars, he forgets the flowers at his feet."

2009-07-14T11:20:00.001-07:00

So I finished Sarah Dessen's new book, "Along for the Ride." And guess what? It SUCKS! All of her books are pretty much about the same thing, a girl struggling to overcome her fears, with variations of course, and she always managed to make each one new and unique. But this one...well, it was a flop. There were parts where it got exciting and interesting, and I was holding my breath, hoping she would pull it off....but she didn't. She evened out those "good" parts with horrible parts that were exasperating and made me want to scream at her. The book was about how a girl, Auden, had always been very grown-up and had not done some normal kid things, like learning how to ride a bike and having food fights. Her parents pushed her to be good at school. Her parents got divorced years ago, and now her dad is remarried to a younger woman and they have a new baby. She decides to spend the summer with them at their house in Cape Cod. (This also is the setting for one of her other books, "Keeping the Moon." If you read her books carefully, you can see how she incorporates places and people in her other books into the book so in a way, they all tie together.) There, she meets Eli, a boy who also can't sleep at night, like her. They hang out at night and become friends...you get the idea. It's about her dealing with her parents divorce and realizing who she is. And Sarah Dessen does accomplish this...only in the most BORING way possible! I give it 2 stars for effort and a bit of creativity, but I discourage my non-existent followers from reading this book.

Quote of the Post: "Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from."

2009-07-09T06:59:00.000-07:00

Did I tell you guys about the independent film i got cast in? I'm more or less talking to myself about this, since no one reads this, but I might as well. As you know I'm really into acting and a few years ago I got into doing independent films. A couple months ago I auditioned for a film that was looking for a teen girl. I was so excited, I hadn't found work for a teenager in at least a year! I realized though, I didn't have a monologue, so I wrote one last minute. It's about a phone conversation a girl has with her friend and then her boyfriend calls....kinda girly, but it works. So I went, did my thing, and didn't hear from the director until two weeks later, which by then I thought I had failed, for a callback. He sent us a part of the script I would be reading with a guy being considered for the other part. The film was about a girl, Shelley, who shoots her parents with her boyfriend. Despite what you're thinking, it's not a horror film. The shooting is in the beginning, and the rest of the film is showing how Shelley deals with what she has done.

So anyway, I went, did my thing, and didn't hear from him until a week later when he called and told me I got the part! When I read the full script, I realized I was in for it. Shelley is a depressed girl, not emotional at all, very deadpan, so I had to practice being that way, being slow and not reacting to anything. Also, the other teen, Roger, is Shelley's boyfriend, and they have to kiss 3 times! At one point in the film, Shelley catches and cuts up an eel!

A month later, when we went down the the cape for a week (we were filming down there. It was a pretty complex shoot) I was nervous, but when I met the crew, I realized it would be fine; they all got along so well. The guy who played Roger was 17 (yikes!) but he was really nice and we got to be good friends. Filming was so much fun! There was lots of goofing around, lots of jokes, but when we needed to be serious, we were serious. The whole crew was very impressed with my acting and the producer wants to work with me in his upcoming film, which is excellent. It was the best film I have ever been in, and I'm sort of astounded that I did it, you know? I never thought I could act like that, be someone so different than me, but I threw myself into it and it worked. Oh, and the kissing? Sure, we had to do each kiss a hundred million times to get it right....that's what we had to do with every shot, to make sure they got it. I didn't really mind....

Okay, enough about me! I want to hear about my non-existent follower's summers! Leave a comment telling me something about your summer, something you have done or are going to do, or just a funny story. Please? I love hearing about different people's experiences.

Oh, and by the way, Sarah Dessen has a new book out! It's called Along for the Ride. I'm reading it right now, so I can't tell you much about it yet, but next post I'll review it.

Quote of the Post: "It's alright to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation."

2009-06-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have my own problem now. I have writer's block. It's a horrible disease that I know possess due to my lack of creativity. I keep starting poems, but I can't seem to finish them, I can't seem to "express" myself. I have a really good start for a poem, just a few lines, but everything I write after it doesn't match what I originally wanted to poem to sound like:

My life is a page
Covered with dots and mistakes
Of all the things I didn't say
Even though I had ways

Does anyone have a cure for this unlucky disease? I've had it for a few weeks now and it is annoying the hell out of me! Any suggestions? On how to finish this poem or how to cure writer's block, either one is welcomed.

Of course, I don't have writer's block on the thing that I deem less important, my blog. Why is that?

Quote of the Post: "If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot."

2009-06-13T09:10:00.001-07:00

Problem: "my guitar won't tune. discuss." hmmm...the problem is....i know nothing about guitars. I am not a "musical instrument" type of person. But research can solve almost anything. I looked it up on google, tuning guitars, and found a website that instructs you how to not only tune the guitar, but play it. "howtotuneaguitar.org" very original name, but as far as i can tell, it shows you how. good luck!

Quote of the Post: "Live forever of die in the attempt."

2009-05-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of talking about me. Can I talk about someone else's problems for a change? If any of my non-existent followers have a problem they would like me to address indiscreetly and without name-mentioning, they can leave a comment with the problem written in and I will give suggestions in the next post. I'm just so sick of my own problems, I want to help someone else. Maybe if I solve another person's problem, I can solve my own.

I just finished this fantastic book, "Someone Like You" by Sarah Dessen. It's about a girl who's best friend gets pregnant and the father is her boyfriend who died in a motorcycle accident. For once, Halley, that's the girl with the best friend, has to be the strong one for her friend, even though she is facing problems of her own. It is just like Sarah Dessen, strong and beautiful, without droning on too much like Jodi Picoult does. It deserves 4 stars, because while it truly draws you in, it does seem to be missing just a touch of magic, the touch that Sarah Dessen gives to some of her best books. If you like this book though, you will love her other books.

Quote of the Post: "It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

2009-05-18T16:36:00.001-07:00

i think it's safe to tell my non-existent followers....more or less myself...what is going on. I met this incredible guy. He's just....well I've never met anyone like him. He's bi, and for awhile I couldn't figure out if he was bi or gay. He's kinda emo, but I don't care. And he's cute. Maybe even hot. The other day, he asked me out! I had no idea he really liked me in that way! He's just so honest about everything, and doesn't care what people think about him, he just is himself. Plus, I love that he TALKS! He is so good at conversation that a lot of the times I don't have to keep the conversation going, keep asking questions, because he'll ask me questions and talk and give detailed responses!

So maybe from this tidbit of information, you can understand maybe some of my poetry in the last entry.

Quote of the Post: "We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us."

2009-05-09T12:32:00.000-07:00

more poems....
I can't tell you guys what's going on in my life right now. Through my poetry, maybe you can understand?

Me and You

I always thought my gift to the world was unnoticed,
I was there, without a purpose
But there you were, so young and focused,
And I was in the light now, you saw me.

I guess I made a difference, since you talked to me,
But I just thought I was someone to dismiss.
You didn’t think so, maybe we were meant to be,
I saw a glimpse of you, and I couldn’t deny it.

We’ll be together,
No matter what it takes.
I’ll cross the world,
On a bike without brakes.

If it was just me against the world, I couldn’t stand it
But us a team of two, us against them.
We can creep out together dead of night, like bandits,
And watch the sun rise, not having a care in the world.

Maybe I should have told you first off what I thought,
For then, I would have gotten a firm answer too,
But we held back, a storm of emotions in between us, caught,
So I held off, and when I spoke, you knew.

We’ll be together,
No matter what it takes.
I’ll cross the world,
On a bike without brakes.

God, If you are up there, here my prayer,
Let him and I walk together and be spared.
I’ll never ask for another, I won’t dare,
Just please, give me this prayer.

one more...

Just Read

I feel the need to write,
All my thoughts down
They swirl and twirl, never slowing
The hour goes on and I am restless

The melody of my life is changing,
The keys are shifting
The piano stays the same,
As my fingers cross over the whites and blacks

I don’t know what is coming
But I feel it here
The echo of how I felt fading, barely audible
A new beat comes through, getting louder

I am stuck with it, yet I want to move on
Past the boxful of memories
A delicate package, a delicate life
So crushable beneath my fingertips

I want it to live, to fly and find others
To forget me, whatever I symbolize
I am a nuisance unlike those memories,
Forever holding me back

The air will not come to me, it misses me
Like it is avoiding me, like I am avoiding myself
It doesn’t want to help me,
It wants me to feel pain

I know what I have to do, but can i
Hurt such memories, such a life
Just for my sake, my needs, my selfish needs
But the wind whispers it is right

The melody slows, becoming softer
My hands find no reason to play
If it ends, will I be bothered?
Or will anyone?

Quote of the Post: "A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know."

2009-04-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

Another poem....read it and...feel emotion!

Everyone looks the same at first
The same scared, lonely look
Or one where its pride might burst.

Everyone talks the same, no one thinks anymore
Its just mumble mumble mumble
Its not for anyone, they don't know who its for

Everyone has a dream, one that can't be granted
Being noticed and remembered is key
They scatter everywhere, seeds that aren't planted

For all the world's hate
Is there a hope
for us without a fate
can we cope?

Everyone says they're sorry,but does it ring true?
How can you know until they're gone
The sorry echoes, without a tune and all blue.
Love is a repeated word, does it mean what I want it to mean?
Coming from you, like a a seed planted, I know it can be.
For once, it can be.

Here's another...

Except vs. Accept

The wheels are turning
And I’m still burning
With my heart churning
But I’m still learning.

I can’t be with you
It’s a whole nother issue
I really want to
But the world flaunts you

I can’t forget it
Im a misfit
I cant get with it
All the while ur lit

As the fire inside pours
In and out for
A light to turn more
Past my color it soars

Its not like me
To run so breathlessly
And for who to see
With a shadow beside me

Your over there
Light catching your hair
With a glow in the air
surrounding you with care

The wheels are turning
But I’m no longer burning
My heart is not churning
And I am done learning.

I feel like sharing today. One more...

A clock is ticking
A dog is barking....
They are calling...calling me away
A voice is rising
a tv is blaring....
All ignorable....all so unbearable
Fingers are strumming
balls are slamming....
i want join....but i cant

The bearers are rising
Someone is humming....
It is all around me....slowly shutting me out
Two eyes are closing
A breath is fading....
The end is coming....but not for me
My footsteps are thudding
My tears are streaming.....
It is a wall....a mind made puzzle

My fists are pounding
My voice is screaming….
A name….bring me to that name
The vision is blurring
A soul is dying….
I wanted to be there….my mind didn’t
My thoughts are racing
Fingers are moving….
I can be there…..if I try

My soul is breaking
My heart is following….
They can’t take it….I am unstable
My arms are aching
My feet are kicking….
In this cage….there must be an object
My wrists are bleeding
I am dying….
For you….it was all for you
But they took me away, away
They took me so far, so far
I wanted to be here, be here
But the walls wouldn’t allow, allow
So I found another way.

I'm not depressed I just felt strongly thats all!

Quote of the Poste: "Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer."

2009-04-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

This is my poem. Take its meaning however you will.

Connect the Dots

The dots appear
I want them to disappear
So clueless, so unclear

I sketch a line from one to another
Like a duckling following its mother
Oh, how can this belong to any other?

It is simple, just follow the dots
Without much of a plot
So why cant I get through this thought?

I can’t find the meaning of it all
Before my thoughts start to tumble and fall
And my voice bounces while I call

I just keep pushing along
Like an endless inspirational song
It’s so simple yet its been so long…

Since Ive stepped back and looked at things
From a different side of the ring
Since Iv stopped and looked behind
At the trail I have left, one that was said to be kind
Since Iv looked ahead to more lines to be drawn
An endless connect the dots at the crack of dawn

Since I looked forward to seeing the picture in the end
The one that I look down apon, the one to hope it lends.

Quote of the Post: "There is only one you...Don't dare change just because you're outnumbered!"

2009-04-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

So there is this book I'm reading called Generation Dead. It is about people who die and then come back to life. Its not a horror book, its really about how the world copes with the zombies.

In the book, there is a character, a zombie, Tommy Williams, who keeps a blog. I looked up this blog, the website, mysocalledundeath.com and it actually exists! How cool is that? I highly suggest you read Generation Dead by Daniel Waters.

Quote of the Post:"There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all."

2009-03-29T16:50:00.001-07:00

I thought this was kind of cool so I thought I should give it to the invisible people that follow this blog (no one) so they can try it themselves!

Start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as your __% innocent.

01. Smoked
02. Drank alcohol.
03. Cried when someone died.
04. Been drunk.
05. Had sex.
06. Been to a concert.
07. Gotten/given a hand job.
08. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
09. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a Wal-Mart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

31. Played strip poker/darts/pool.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Made beans.
40. Been in love.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

51. Watched a person die.
52. Kissed somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Made spicy beans.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed Goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

71. Been caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 2 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR:

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Left a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.

FINAL PERCENTAGE:

Quote of the Post: "Every new beginning comes from some other beginings end." Closing Time, Semisonic

2009-03-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

Only
I fall down and scratch my knee.
I am told it is only a scratch.
I got a crappy birthday present.
I am told I should like it.
I study hard, but fail the test.
I am told it doesn't matter.
I am the only one who isn't invited.
I am asked why I care.
A friend turns her back on me.
I am told I will make new friends.

Sympathy. Empathy. Where is it? I can't find it.

My boyfriend breaks up with me.
I am told to deal with it.
Someone else gets crowned best actress.
I feign happiness, and it looks real.
My grandmother dies.
Insincere sorrys are echoing.
My one friend in the class leaves.
I am in darkness.
My friends in the other class laugh together.
All I can do is watch.

Help. Hope. Where has it gone? I can't find it.

I talk with my classmates.
They are deaf to my sounds.
I join a circle.
It gets tighter, shutting me out.
Arrangements are made between my friends
I am left behind.

Invisible. Isolated. Something that greets me every day.
Only a hurt. Only a loss. Only a betrayal.
My list gets longer and longer.
The onlys add up.
They leave a scar.
Life goes on, it is only a life after all. It is only a scratch to your soul.
It will heal with hope, help, empathy.

I look everywhere.
Every life, every thought.
It is not there, not sold at every store I go to.

My soul stays scratched, scarred perminately.
I will go through life with it.
No big deal.
It is only my life, after all.
Only my life.

This is a poem I wrote about life. I was kinda made one day and I ended up writing this.

Quote of the Post: "The old believe everything, the middle aged suspect everything, and the young know everything."

2009-02-26T10:13:00.001-08:00

The Oscars this year really surprised me. Did any of you see the Kate Winslet winning best actress coming??? Very unexpected. Of course, Slumdog Millionaire won everything, of course, especially Best Picture. NOT surprising. Really good movie.

Quote of the Post: "The world is a tragedy to those who feel,but a comedy to those who think."

2009-02-20T14:59:00.001-08:00

Hello!
Hows life? Thumbs up? Thumbs down? Thumbs in the middle? Pinkie? You decide. I have a lot to tell you in this post so listen up!

I went and saw Shopaholic when it came out.....not good! The movie just didn't have enough of the sparkle the book had! It was cute....but how can it be amazing if they have her talk to MANNEQUINS in the movie? She talks to herself in the book, not inanimate objects. Even though I love Shopaholic I'm afraid it only gets 2 stars which is very upsetting for me to write.

Dry your tears though, for the upcoming movie event is....(drumroll, please)......The Oscars! Not every movie listed is what I have seen.....I'm getting around to it. So, for my nonexistant-but-interested readers who know about these films, feel free to leave a comment telling me about the movie! Really please do it will help a lot!)
For Best Actor, we have....
1.Richard Jenkins-The Visitor (I heard he was very good, but I haven't seen it yet)
2. Frank Langella- Frost/Nixon (again, haven't seen YET.)
3. Sean Penn- (sorry...)
4. Brad Pitt- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (I have seen that one and he was VERY good! But I think he left some character flaws so no go for him)
5. Mickey Rourke- The Wrestler (I think he will win! cross your fingers!)

For Best Actress, we have....
1. Anne Hathaway- Rachel Getting Married (This is cool! Anne Hathaway has never been nominated! She is quite an unusual actor so she might just stand a chance...)
2. Angelina Jolie- Changeling (Did you expect that? She may be beautiful, but i never thought she had the spirit in her. Go Angelina!)
3. Melissa Leo- Frozen River (Has anyone seen that? I really need someone to tell me about it.)
4. Meryl Steep- Doubt (She is amazing! Did you know she has been nominated for 15 academy awards, breaking history?)
For Best Motion Picture, we have...
1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (I really wouldn't be surprised if that won. It was a fantastic movie. I'm kinda leaning toward one of the other movies though...)
2. Frost/Nixon (no comment)
3. Milk (no comment)
4. The Reader (no com-hey wait a minute if I don't have any comment, I don't have to write anything at all! oops.)
5. Slumdog Millionare (I WANT THIS ONE TO WIN!!!!!)

For Achievment in Directing, we have...oh. the five films listed for Best Motion Picture. I think The Curious Case of Benjamin Button should win this one, because it takes real skill to get a movie like that right. It's so weird, you just have to know what you are doing and they really got it right for that one.

I'm excited aren't you? It's from 8 p.m.-11 p.m. this Sunday (the 22nd) watch it! It's educational! (sort of)

Other news: I fractured a girl's toe in dance class by stepping on it with a jazz shoe. It was an accident and now I feel horrible! I just hope I didn't reck her dance career....She sat out for the rest of dance class when I stepped on it and she kept saying it really hurt and she was limping but I wasn't really all that worried until she came in on Thursday and told me I fractured it! Does this make me a bad person? Argh! Some advice?

Hey by the way, you guys can ask me advice if you want or just acting questions. Not that nonexistant readers really have real problems, but I can dream right? Just leave an invisable comment whenever you want!

I bet this is your favorite part because it finally means I'm shutting up.
Quote of the Post: "There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." THAT would explain a lot.....

2009-02-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

Guess what, non-existent readers? the Shopaholic movie comes out TOMORROW!!!
I'm just soooo excited! It's like my sister and Lord of the Rings. Its an obsession! Of course, I will be going to see it tomorrow and will rate it....fairly. I promise, I wont let my feelings for this novel get in the way of an honest rating...well...I'll try not to let it.....

Hmmmm.....what else is new....NOTHING! Yup, my life has "reached its pinical" as Empire Records would say.

Oh right. Quote: "Give me where to stand, and I will move the earth."

2009-01-28T11:22:00.001-08:00

Wow I completely forgot to write. I just forgot I even had a blog! not that anyone reads it, but whatever.

Ok so I have news, of course. I have two movie ratings to give you. I'll give you the best one first.
Fiddler on the Roof. Most everyone knows this as a play, well, the younger generation does, but to your parents, this one is one of them they remember winning big on the academy awards. It won best picture! It was wicked good you just have to see it! Even if you don't like musicals. I have to give it my highest rating: FIVE STARS!

My next film though, well.....ok it was horrible! Ever heard of the book series The Clique? well the book series wasn't half bad. But the new movie.....ugh! The girls in the clique are just not good actors and did not even come close to portraying the funniness of the book! zero stars.

Quote of the Post: "Honesty is the test. Failure is the teacher."

2009-01-17T12:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm dieing. It's one thing to have a cold, but to combine runny noses with horrible coughs...well that's just plain mean. Ugh. I had a concert on Thursday and I'm part of the specialty chorus, which means the 8 of us sang New Soul by Yael Naim and sang weird parts in other songs. I had just started coughing the day before and in the evening, I lost my voice! I went the concert anyway, in hopes I could get it back. And YAY I did, about 15 minutes before we were due onstage! what a nightmare.....

Quote of the Post: "The pursuit of happiness is the most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it." C.P. Snow.

2009-01-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

Hello people! I'm back yet again to bother you!

Sorry I haven't written in awhile; I kinda was busy. I have good news though! I got the part of Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, my school's play! Well, technically, I got half the part. It's split between two people. But yay!!!!! I guess my practicing payed off.

I have an anonymous comment on my entry about Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. They said the book was good, but Jodi Picoult's writing tends to get very repetitive. I never even noticed that and I've read a couple of her books! Yes, I quite agree with this person. No offense Jodi....but how about a new topic? She always writes about kids getting into trouble with the law in some way or another and showing how it is played out in court. But also, I think that her books are almost refreshing and realistic than what most writers talk about. She's so open about it, so blunt, that it makes you take a double-take. a second look. That's what a good writer does. Takes an old subject and turns it in a new direction.

Now, I have a wicked good book! It's a little boring for the first chapter or so, but keep reading, because it gets really good. The Probable Future by Alice Hoffman. Since the beginning wasn't too good though, I'll have to give it a three. Sorry Hoffman!

I saw this great old movie the other day. It's the inspiring type, and a lot of movies who try that can't pull it off and make it look cheesy. This one is genuine though. Pump up the Volume! (no exclimation point, of course). I'm not one for spirit-lifting movies and I adore this movie. My rating is about a 4.5, some points off for the female lead.

ok, Quote of the Post: "It is better to burn out than fade away."

2009-01-10T16:15:00.000-08:00

Isn't he cute? This is my dog, Sasha, a picture I took of him. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get him to sit still. I'll say "Sasha, sit!" and he'll just stand there, looking at me, probably thinking, "who does she think she is, bossing me around? I'm the boss!" And then, when I finally get him to sit, I'll say "Sasha stay!" and he'll look at me, giving me a look as if to say, "ya right", and walk away. So this photo is like an achievment, my trophy of getting a non-blurry picture of Sasha.

2009-01-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

oops...sorry....I forgot my "quote of the post" format.

Quote of the Post: "Sometimes a stranger can be great meaning to your life." like me.

2009-01-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

hello readers...or should i say lack of readers.....

im extremly lame. you have a right to make fun of me. I offically give you permission. But you have to keep it a secret ok? (leans in close) I saw the new American Girl movie today on t.v. Shhhh!!! It's a secret! It was pretty lame....but cute. I trust you though not to tell because how can my non-exsistant fan club possibly blab on me because they love me so much?

2009-01-10T08:02:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh......THE WEEKEND in big bold letters. Everyone loves a few days off from work, school, etc. What I find interesting though, is how much everyone detests the week, or so they say. I have a friend who insists she hates school and therefore hates the other five days of the week, yet she is most smiley and positive when she is IN school. Hypocritical, don't you think? Monday is said to be the world's "doomsday" but I bet there are other days that people moan and groan on too. That day for me is Wednesday. Its the exact middle of the week! How much crappier can you get than that?!?! So here is my question to you: what is the day of the week you would like to skip and why?

I just finished this fantastic book the other day that I highly recomend to you. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. She is a wonderful author who likes to shed light on what America likes to keep hidden. It's about a teenager, Peter, who goes to his school one day and shoots it up, killing ten people. The book switches point of view from Peter's parents, to Peter, to Josie (his old friend), to the detective, to so many other people that are affected by this one event. I would give it about three stars, because while it is good, its not the best book ever.

Now, the quote of the post: "42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot."

2009-01-08T15:43:00.000-08:00

Hey people!

This is my first entry in my new blog, so pardon my lack of creativeness. I might as well tell you about myself, since we are in the "getting to know you" phase. I love reading, especially realistic fiction. I am a HUGE movie fan, basically a critic. Oh, and I act in plays and musicals. That's really all you need to know, because that is the basis of my blog. So enough with the nice to meet you crap and let's get down to brass tax! Here's a heads up on what I will be writing, because if you don't like this stuff, you won't like this blog:

* rating movies I've seen recently, especially in-theaters ones.

* book reviews

* my life (updates for friends)

oh ya, and every entry I going to post a quote or a fortune cookie fortune so here is the quote of the post: "If you are afraid to shake the dice, you'll never throw a six."